I remember reading in one of my handouts (Communication Psychology?) about the two characteristics of humans, ‘eros’ and ‘thanatos’. Eros being the urge to create, thanatos the urge to destroy. Having the urge to destroy seems illogical, but it is undeniably there. Not only in grand terms such as war, but also in little everyday situations. At least that’s how I feel.
Sometimes I’m afraid of hurting myself and others, because sometimes I have this strong urge to do so. It’s…kind of frustrating, and puzzling. I remember looking through the window in an apartment, wondering what would happen if I threw my cellphone, or even myself through it. I remember thinking several times what would happen if I suddenly push my brother or my father who is driving in high speed in the highway. I remember wanting to throw a heavy padlock through a car window, or pour a glass of water on the computer keyboard. Those thoughts come often, all for no particular reason. It’s disturbing, really. I feel like I have to hold myself back from doing such things.
Does anyone else feel that way, I wonder. Or am I going insane?