Yesterday I randomly took this Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) quiz and was surprised by how a lot of the anwers are ‘so me’. I’ve always thought that I had OCD tendencies, but I found out that other things I’ve experienced are also symptoms. Like the ‘thanatos’ or destructive side I’ve thought about a while ago, that fear or causing harm to others with no particular reason. I also often ask my most trusted friends for reassurance of some things I do or think. Wow. The quiz results stated that I am most likely suffering from OCD. Hmm. I’m not that surprised actually. It never bothers me too much though, so I guess I don’t need any professional treatment. Or do I?
Let’s just make a list of what I think are my OCD tendencies.
- I love making lists, just like this one, about practically everything and anything. I don’t make lists as much and as detailed as I used to, but I still enjoy doing it. To-do lists, New Year Resolutions, everyday resolutions, to buy lists, wishlists, lists of attractive people, anything and everything. On different pieces of paper, notepad text files, on the back of handout papers, anywhere and everywhere.
- I always make sure doors are locked, even right after I’ve just locked them. I’ll check over and over, making sure they can’t be opened.
- I used to be a major privacy freak. When I was in elementary school I think, I used to have a diary. It was small and green with Mickey Mouse on the cover. I don’t really remember what I wrote in it but I made some shitty comics about me and my friends. One day my brother read my diary and mocked me, especially my shit comics. Ass. Afterward I became extra protective about everything personal that I had, man I even bought a new diary with those useless little padlocks. Even now I’m still a bit protective, but I’ve lightened up. Thank God. Back then I could fucking hit you with a pogo stick if you messed around in my room. Hehe. Anyway, is this really connected to OCD or is it just another psychological trauma thing? Next!
- I collect little things, trivial things most would consider useless or of little importance. When I was little I collected unused cartons and boxes and paper and wrapping paper and plastic and oh! Too many things. They frustrated the hell out of my mom, but I always thought I would use them to make some artsy fartsy things. Occasionally I did, but as expected most of them ended up abandoned and taking up a lot of space. Haha. I’m over collecting those stuff. Um. Okay I admit I still collect fancy gift bags and boxes and paper. But I do use them! Most of the time at least. What’s worse is my ongoing collection of pictures from the internet. I live for jpegs. Pretty clothes, pretty people, pretty designs, and many other pretty stuff. I just can’t help it. Which brings us to the next point.
- I enjoy arranging things. Such as all the pictures I save from the web. I name all the clothing by designer and am starting to put them in separate folders, also by designer and by type, clothing or shoes. Oh I also always save and arrange my mp3s with the title format ‘Artist – Song Title’, and I make sure the Artist, Song, and Album categories in iTunes or Windows Media Player are properly filled. It drives me so fucking crazy if they aren’t. Argh! I remember when I used to hang a lot in one of my best mates house. She doesn’t arrange her mp3s right! I mean, how does one live with that? What if I want to listen to a particular song and I can’t find it? It’s crazy. Which also brings us to the next point.
- I often suddenly think or hear a particular song that stays in my mind all day and I have to know the title so I can download it or I’ll go crazy. Once I know the title I will hunt it down until I get it, and once I do, it feels heavenly. Recent examples I can think of: a few days ago my friend and I forgot the title of a Seringai song (it was Puritan) until he asked his brother, the same day I was obsessed with a Pearl Jam song called Last Kiss (all I remembered were the lyrics “Oh where, oh where can my baby be? The Lord took her away for me.” so I Googled it, haha hebat yah internet, and the last one is this particular song I heard on the radio. I still haven’t found out what it’s called. Argh. It’s a female singer-songwriter type song, probably from the 90s. Damn.
- I’m obsessed with symmetry. It shows in small, annoying ways. Whenever I accidentally bump into some books in a bookstore, I have to step back and make sure they’re perfectly aligned again. I find asymmetric dresses and tops annoying. Whenever my left hand accidentally touches, say, a cold dashboard in a car, I have to make my right hand touch it the same way, and vice versa. This, I admit, drives me crazy sometimes.
- I like to have things aligned in a particular way or order. After eating, I always place my spoon and fork and knife in particular way (four a clock, face down). Despite my room being a haphazard mess, I always keep particular things in particular shelves or drawers.
- I am a grammar Nazi, a grammar fiend. I love to reread, spell check and edit my own writings and others too. Haha. Sometimes I have to hold back in criticizing grammar mistakes in other people’s writings. Trust me my friend, it is hard.
- I like to do things in a certain number (kind of like ‘genapin aja’ or ‘tanggung’). Like when I have to play a song just a couple of times more. Or when I play a cassette before sleeping or getting out of my room, I have to play it til the end. It just feels wrong when I don’t.
Well I guess I could write thousands more but I really can’t think of anything else right now. Of course when I do I’ll write them down again. Ooh lists! Ooh editing! Yum! Hehe. Point is I realize all those tendencies, they do annoy me sometimes but I don’t really mind. Actually I even like them, if not all. Some of them give me joy, plus being good at grammar and editing is a good thing, right? (See? The need for reassurance.)