Fixing a Hole

Once, during a past relationship, a conflict sparked one night.

He said I was too clingy, too demanding as if I could never get enough of anything. (Of course I did get more than enough to make me want to erase part of my memory) Too many phone calls, texts, unwanted attention.

What, then, should I do about it? I asked, at the time. Give some space?

So, then, I did. I gave some space and filled my own with other things I loved more. Until one day he said I was too cold. Distanced, aloof, as if I didn’t need anything from him. Annoyed, I asked, “Isn’t this what you wanted?” I grew so cold, he said, that he suddenly realized how he missed how I was, how it made him felt loved.

Needless to say, it was never the same, and the relationship ended not long from then.

Guilt has always driven me to try changing how I am to make things better. Not that it works that much. Perhaps because neither I nor whoever he is really have a clue. Yet, I often can’t help trying to find a balance point of how I should be, how I should act in order to make a relationship work. At the same time, I’m not really sure that balance point exists. If it does exist somehow, I’m not sure I can or want to reach it.

Which leads me to a thought that sometimes slips off my mind. A relationship shouldn’t be spent working your way into a perfect balance of, for example, neediness and independence. Balance will come from imbalance, so to speak. Compatibility comes from those always changing imbalances. Once you can be open to criticism, once you can evaluate and adapt willingly, both of you, you’ve got nothing to worry about.

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4 responses to “Fixing a Hole

  1. shinojundo

    The same problem occurred to me once. Or thrice, to be exact. With the same person. Because I am dumb and masochistic like that.

  2. Interesting enough, your experience of this past relationship has grew you into a person that has a more broaden view on the connection in between 2 individuals in the name of attractiveness, caring and perhaps love? One might see it in a dim light, however it goes as a valuable lesson in my book. Even though it may have come to a rather bitter and confusing end, I congratulate you for the wisdom that you have received. I see you are ready to move on.

    Call me a smart ass or even someone that has little knowledge of you or a lot maybe? But I really hope that you will prevail from this situation!

    It comes to my attention that music is something that comes of a soundtrack in your life, it does to me as well (referring to trivialities), thus in the spotlight of this moment, I’d like to give a bit of my own tunes. I don’t if there is any relevance, but these are some music that I’m currently listening and hope that you may enjoy as well.

    Funny enough, this is the first time that I have the urge to do anything about a blog.
    I’m gonna keep my name anonymous. Reasons for this is probably just wanting to see whether compatibility can be achieved:). I’d like to test this statement: “Compatibility comes from those always changing imbalances”. I hope this comment of mine doesn’t come across as strange but I am intrigued by your compatibility statement and would like to see the outcome of this. Either balance or imbalance right?

    Seeing right now I’m a bit confuse on giving what kind of music, because there are a lot that I’d like to give and share, I’d probably give this tune. Hope you enjoy and I’m a bit certain that you have heard this before. Please do check it out if you have the time. Enjoy!

    Goldspot – Rewind

  3. i think i can relate myself to this post.

    “A relationship shouldn’t be spent working your way into a perfect balance of, for example, neediness and independence.”

    word

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